he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
