Michael Bay diarrhea
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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