And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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