It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
