I'll bet she douches with gravy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
