a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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