since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
