I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
