hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
