I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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