Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
