If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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