So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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