I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
