i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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