My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
