I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
