my mouth tastes like poor choices
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
