I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Swine flu is the new snow day.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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