I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
