I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
