you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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