you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
