I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
