I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The cops high fived after they tackled you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
