DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
