I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
