i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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