I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
