Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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