I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize