If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize