the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
