...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
