moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
