she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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