he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
