from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We left the knife in your bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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