Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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