I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
