I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
