the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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