is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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