Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
