my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
