why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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