Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
