I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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