so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
