Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
