thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
