smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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