This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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