dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
