In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And then he peed in my hair
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