Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
