there's paper in my vomit.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
