Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
