He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
