i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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