OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
