"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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