if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
