sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We are all done wearing pants today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
