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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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