I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
