Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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