He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
