I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
