she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
