This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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