There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
