Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
