I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
