my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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