connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
