with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
