Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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