So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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