Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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