I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
