that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize