i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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