next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
