Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
