how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
