WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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