wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
