This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
