Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
