She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
