If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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