Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
