you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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