he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
