I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
