grandma shit on top of the toilet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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