I think i peed on brittanys purse
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
