Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
