Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
