Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
