I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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