Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
